We’re in between again.
Over the weekend Ben flew back to Baku, taking the Sons of Thunder (our 3- and 4-year-olds, Eli and Noah) with him. He’s happy to not be completely alone and I’ve a temporary vacation of sorts from the full breadth of my maternal duties, but it’s strange for both of us: once again our family is split by continents and ocean, and the days are spent with excitement at being all together again and impatience for the reunion to just happen already!
I thought the initial time apart from August to November would be a brief season of relaxation. And while it had its golden, sweet moments –very much due to the help and company of my in-laws, who we’ve been staying with– I snapped back and forth between tension, frustration, and anticipation. It’s almost unbelievable to me that that season is over, ushering in a magical interlude of holiday festivities and the birth of Samuel, and passing again into what will be in the coming years a blip in our family’s story. Of course, though, it feels like it’s crawling by as it happens.
I’m forever trying to coax my wild boys to concentrate, focus, payyyyyy attention. It is me whose gaze keeps breaking these days, checking my phone and e-mail over and over in the vain hopes of being notified that Samuel’s passport and visa will be completed in record time and ready to be picked up. Recent history in the form of an overdue baby has left a fresh reminder in my mind: Some things can’t be rushed. Just as surely as I went to bed in late November certain that I’d be pregnant forever, did I also bring forth a miraculous, breathtakingly adorable baby son. It will happen.*
I am concentrating, focusing, and paying attention, to Gabriel’s triumphant counting-by-5′s, Quinn’s toddler cackle, and Samuel’s wee coos. They bless me with hugs and make me laugh, and I get to see my bouncy Sons of Thunder on Skype, chirping about rediscovered toys and exclaiming how much they miss me. At night I stare at my round-cheeked boy and allow myself a momentary slip to ponder what it will be like, ushering in his milestones in Baku, at the side of my Ben. But my heart already knows: It will be hard. It will be adventurous. It will be wonderful.
*We’re hoping to be back in Baku by early February.